The results, as reported in The Mail, are in:
l take a pale seeded loaf from the fridge at 3C temperature
l set the toaster dial to 'five out of six' on a typical 900-watt appliance (typically 154C)
l It must toast for 3 minutes and 36 seconds
l the optimum thickness is 14mm
l this results in the outside being 12 times crunchier than the middle
l the ideal amount of butter is 0.44g per square inch
l serve on a plate warmed to 45C to minimise condensation beneath the toast.
Dr Lane, who reportedly tested 2,000 slices of toast over one week (hmm, really?), told the paper: "Taking the most popular mid-point toast tone and the complicated maths, we derived the formula for the perfect slice of toast. It's then relatively straightforward to develop a five-step process, allowing toast-lovers to replicate our laboratory method in their own kitchens."
Yet one vital element missing from the methodology is the infuriating unpredictability of the domestic toaster rarely beholden to any conventional scientific models of thermodynamics.